Yucky, Yucky, Yucky, I just feel yucky.

I guess that makes a strong statement. I am "past" my "Yucky" days, but don't tell my stomach, because I think it is confused, it, being my stomach, has decided I have more dues to pay. If I could just puke, I might feel better. Grady Joe is a complete mess and I feel as if I have no control over him... I actually had to call Todd Sr on speaker phone tonight to "lay down the law!" He, Grady Joe, kept kicking me in my port tonight, and if you have never had that happen, be very, very thankful, it hurts, it sucks and I was oh so graciously informed on Monday that I will have to keep it for two, yes two YEARS.... just in case... how reassuring is that. Grant is a mess... trying to walk and talk all at the same time. I feel though that I am so wrapped up in how bad I feel that I am really missing out. I am trying so hard. But I am so tired. I am also missing the Big Todds so much that to think about it only makes me want to cry. Maybe it would help if I could cry... I really don't feel sorry for myself... I really feel bad for everyone around me... I should be able to take care of myself and my family... but I hurt... I physically hurt. Can I really make it to April. Please God, If You can Hear Me, Help Me. On a funny note, tomorrow we are taking Grady Joe to the new Wiregrass Town Center just a couple of miles from here.... they are having the Ellen DeGeneres Dance Cam there tomorrow... let's just hope the little man puts on his usual show and makes it to LA to see Ellen... we were kidding with him about it tonight and said that Grammie and Dada would have to take him... he said "no, Mommy go!" I love you too Grady!

Maybe tonight I can ask for just a small personal/selfish prayer please give my little boys peace, my husband the knowledge that I love him so very much and for just a little relief from the pain, I am sorry to be so needy but thank you to you all... All my love, The Nat